With Apologies to Garrison Keillor

One of our garage door openers went on the blink last week. The experience of actually having to get out of the car and open the door manually reminded me of just how many “enabling” conveniences have entered the world of driving since I got my magic passport at the age of sixteen. I’m really not old enough to appreciate the replacement of the crank with the electric starter, but I did learn to drive using a manual transmission and our old Ford had a manual choke. I even remember when you used a handle to raise and lower the windows and actually had to turn a key to lock or unlock your vehicle. That sure was a lot of heavy pushing and pulling and rotating. Hard to see how we had enough energy to go anywhere after all that exercise. I suspect that Index Finger Arthritis will soon be joining Blackberry Thumb as a cachet affliction. From what I can gather even the button pressing finger and the twist of the wrist are showing signs of obsolescence. Keyless start has even made it unnecessary to start the motor manually. Automatic sensors now dim your lights automatically for approaching vehicles, tell you if you are low on gas, turn on your windshield wipers when it rains, engage your washers when your windshield becomes dirty, recognize you when you sit down, orally welcome you to the driving experience, and ask you where you are going and if you need directions. Meanwhile the computers are adjusting the driver’s seat to your preferred configuration, setting the climate system to your preferred temperature, and of course warning you if you start backing into an obstruction or are following another car too closely.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some conveniences this Luddite does not wish to disparage. I remember the cold rim of the chamber pot in the winter as well as any man. There is no desire to return to the so called golden days of yore, but I do wonder a bit what my grandchildren will tell their children about the hardships they had to put up with when they were young. Perhaps they’ll talk about a horrible day when their garage door opener failed.